 |
| picture by h.koppdelaney (link below post) |
Paris: When do we meet up again?
Sally: Whenever you like. What works for you?
P: Uh idk
S: Lol don't you like the freedom of being able to choose? Or is it better when I just set everything up and then tell you when?
Long pause. Tumbleweeds blow past. The Earth gets a couple degrees hotter. Hell gets just that much cooler.
S: (I'm trying to treat you like a partner in all this, more than a student, but if you don't like it, just say the word)
P: I don't care :P
S: Give me something to work with here. Look, you don't like your teachers because they treat you like you're stupid. But then when I try to work with you rather than at you, you basically say "I don't know" or "I don't care"
P: Oh ? I'm just saying that it doesn't matter when we do it.
S: And that's totally cool. But now I'm just trying to get you to be a participant in all this too by setting the time.I'm trying to go a little further in treating you like an adult by letting you pick.
P: Well, I'm busy tomorrow and tuesday, does that help
S: Yep, it does! I'm busy Tues Wed, so when's a better time for both of us?
P: I don't care when we do it I'm just busy tomorrow and tuesday.
S: Alright. You pick a time on Thursday we can meet.
P: idk yet
S: Ok, that's fair. Can you let me know by the end of Tuesday?
P: Ya
S: Okay, that works. Thank you for working that out with me.
P: Yuupp
So far so good right? We eventually got to the point where she agreed to help set a time. It's important to me that she does things like choosing days and choosing times because I don't want her to be able to go around in her head with this idea that all of these sessions with me are being inflicted on her. I want her to have a hand in crafting a path out of the depths of the veritable dung heap she's managed to pile around herself.
In retrospect, I should have probably just called it a night there. I should have left it at that and walked away from the convo. But noooo.... I had to go the extra inch.
S:.... And please remember that this me tutoring business is all your thing. So if there's something you wanna change, just speak up and we'll change it. If you don't wanna meet, we don't have to. But it's your choice.
P: Ya... my mom wants me too, sooooo, ya
S: Ok... So do you have any ideas on how to make meeting with your tutor suck less? I'm not perfect either, but I'm trying, and I'm open to suggestions.
P: No it's not like that.
S: Can you tell me what it's like? I just need to be able to communicate with you so that we don't end up sitting in a room frustrated, doing unit conversions until we "kill ourselves"
P: K, I don't really know what to say.
It should be noted that, in writing this out for the post, and actually rereading the way the convo went... wow. It made alot more sense I think in my head that it translated to on the paper. I'm not sure I'd know what to say either in her position.... shit. It seems to make alot more sense now that I've taken a bit of a step back and looked at it again. Damn. Well, here's the rest of what was said.
S: You said "it's not like that"... what's not like that?
P: idk
Pause, again, of the tumbleweed variety. At this point, I didn't really know what I could say. It felt like fights I used to have with an old boyfriend where at the end of it there was all this frustration and no nobody knew what anyone was talking about anymore. Not a good place. So I said
S: K well I'll let you get to bed of whatever. Let me know what time for Thursday, k?
To which she replied
P: Kkk
And that was that. And for some reason I feel like I'm totally botching this, despite my very best intentions. I don't know whether to go back to square one, put the work aside, and try to gain a little more rapport, or to go the opposite and instill some work ethic into her by doing this stuff religiously. I mean, her mother is making her go (and it seems to be about the only thing her mother makes her do) so maybe the structure will do her good. On the other hand, structure has never really worked for her other than to foster hardcore resentment.
I know the chances that anyone if reading this is really, really slim, but if you are... any advice?
(photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/h-k-d/)
No comments:
Post a Comment